It's been almost a week since I last had Gena in my arms, and I'm feeling the effects quite keenly. Knowing that it will be weeks and months until I get that ache sated makes the emptiness more acute. Leave it to me to find a way to separate myself from her after I spent years trying to find someone who wanted to be there all the time. July and August will be the worst, as I'll be completely separated from my phone, computer, and other necessities of getting my Genaveve fix. It's going to be a long summer.
I got word I'd be allowed to head back to Ohio for the long weekend about three days before the last plane took off. I immediately regretted telling her I may get it off and ruined the chance to surprise her, but in the end, just hearing her freak out on the other end of the line when I called and told her it was a definite filled my soul with enough joy to make up for it.
I took the red eye to Philadelphia and got little to no sleep, since I had the luck of being placed right next to the bathroom, where there seemed to be a constant line of people. I think the people on that plane broke a record for most bathroom usage. By the time I got to Philly, I had been up for 28 hours, nothing new to me after what I've been through, but still enough to leave me sprawled out on the floor by the gate to my next flight with a spare t-shirt draped over my face. I'm sure I got some stares, but at this point, I can pass out on concrete with a helmet as a pillow (which I do on a daily basis).
When I finally set foot in Columbus, whatever burnt out feelings I had evaporated as I anxiously watched car after car come around the bend of the passenger pick up lane. I about ripped open the door to her car, and immediately went about trying to slip my hands through every inch of her clothes, and smothered her in more kisses than even her beautiful lips could take.
"Why are you wearing clothes?" I mumbled between kisses.
"I was in public! You want me to walk around naked?" She laughed.
I thought it over and with much resignation replied, "I guess not."
Not that it mattered, it was a problem solved quite quickly and easily within moments of walking into our little one bedroom apartment. The rest of the weekend was spent never taking my eyes and hands off her for more than a moment, as we visited my parents, brother, and my three closest buddies from college.
It amazes me how happy she has made me. After going so long dying for someone to share all the intricacies of my life with, finding her has proven to be an on going adventure of emotions and discoveries of the joys of true intimacy.
We met at a party, friends of friends who shared a duplex-style house on Capital's campus. It was my first summer completely out of school and football, and as stated before, I had little to no idea where I was going or what I was going to do about the mess I had made of things. But, I had come to two conclusions: I was done waiting for Christen to sort things out, and I was going to do something with my life that fulfilled me in all the ways I desired...whatever that ended up being.
Joel was at the time still in football, and that kept me in touch with most of my football buddies, and Nick's house was the spot most of us picked to either party our asses off, or pre-game for our future destination, and inevitably end up at for a late night post-party. The girls next door were often there, although most of them had boyfriends, and those that didn't hadn't caught my eye...in fact, for that entire summer, I can't think of a single girl making me stop in my tracks. Then Gena walked in.
She was beautiful, hot, sexy, every word I'd ever used to describe a girl who caught my eye, and more. She had an edge, and she had attitude...and she seemed absolutely indifferent to me (I now know from her, that when she saw me she thought: you were so handsome, I literally had to catch my breath...then figured you either had a girlfriend or had an STD). That's my Genaveve for ya.
With her huge, bright eyes, thick golden-red hair, and tanned, toned legs, it was impossible for me to keep my eyes off her. Like I said, she paid little attention to me. Instead, she was loud and wild, fast with the shots (reserved for she and her friends alone), with a constant smile, and a laugh that was infectious and loaded with fun.
I immediately had to find out who she was, and much to my disappointment, Nick told me she went to Ohio State, and wasn't sure if she was single. We drank for a while, and I tried my best to not be creepy and get caught staring at her.
We eventually made our way to a party down the street, hosted by some football guys, which was the first big bash of the school year, as it was still a week before classes started. Initially, upon hearing about it, Joel, Doug and I thought it sounded like a pretty good chance to hit on some new freshman chicks who knew nothing about me, and thus, carried no pre-conceived notions of what I was all about. Now though, was I watched her walk in front of me, I could do little more but nudge Joel and raise an eyebrow at him, which he returned with a nod. Gena was out-of-this-world hot, and everyone who knew me knew that my mind was made up for the night.
The party ended up being something of a let down for me. For the first time, I felt incredibly old, and inevitably ended up wondering if the eighteen year old girls and sophomore football guys wondered what my old ass was still doing hanging around. Suddenly, I realized I had moved past the college scene, and as I walked in the house and saw Gena looking at me, I wondered if she was thinking the same thing (a funny side note, she asked her friends earlier in the night who the "older guys", ala, Me and Doug, were).
After having waited in line at the kegs for at least a half hour, I had given up on the chances of finding a beer, and was anxious to round up Joel, Doug, and Nick to head back to where we had beer of our own, and I could drown my sorrows. I found Nick and told him as much, but he clearly didn't understand, he had been able to get beer just fine, and was talking to a pretty girl I didn't recognize, and wasn't even close to being ready to leave. A little pissed off, I saw Gena standing with her friends, actually looking like she too wondered what the hell she was doing at a party where she knew no one. With nothing to lose, I walked up and did my best to be charming. She at least took pity on me and gave me one of her beers, a huge gesture, considering how scarce the stuff was at this party. We made small talk, and I mostly resorted to talking to Jaimie, her one friend I knew well enough to talk to, and I felt at the time that she was mostly blowing me off, or at least, definitely not interested.
When we finally returned to Nick's, she hung around for a few minutes, then headed off with a couple friends to someone else's house that she knew. I watched her walk away, turned to Joel, and said with much regret, "Well there she goes...I'll probably never see her again."
I about lost my mind when, a few weeks later, back at Nick's, early into the drinking night, he mentioned to me that Gena was coming over again. I immediately felt some relief that I had dressed the part to impress, a button up shirt, I'd cleaned myself up in the past weeks, cut my hair and trimmed up the beard, and had my boots on. I always did well with my boots on. When she finally showed up, the familiarity of having been around each other before (and a better head start on the beer) made it much easier for me to approach her and talk to her...and much to my delight, she was finally receptive, and much to my further delight, she was flirtatious. I was in heaven, and regrettably, I immediately made up my mind to take her home with me...which she still teases me for to this day.
I learned she had just moved to Columbus, after transferring to from OU to pursue an art education major, a program OU had recently dropped. I really should write a thank you note to OU one day. Why she was interested in me is beyond me. I made little secret to being recently flunked out, working at a restaurant, and I also had the unfortunate luck of telling a not-so-appropriate story about another girl while she was in the room listening. How she forgave me for that, I'll never know. I hung around later than I should have, and while I did realize she'd never go home with me that night, I tried my best to get her to give in. In the end, I went home, and once again said something to Joel along the lines of, "Oh well, it was worth a shot."
But that wouldn't be it for me. I'd lost her twice already, and it wasn't going to happen again. The next day I made it my mission to track her down, and as much of a loser move it may have been, found her on Facebook, and sent her a message that was as obnoxious as possible, and asked her out...and for whatever reason, she said yes. A couple days later, we went to lunch at Olive Garden. It was my first real date in a few years, and I had a blast just sitting there talking to her. She was awesome...funny, so pretty it made me feel lucky just to have her there with me, and had two must-haves: a love of art and music. It was impossible not to like her. When the date ended, I held back on the goodbye-kiss, as I wasn't sure if we were there yet.
The next night, unable to get her off my mind, bored and lonely, sitting in front of the tv having a couple drinks, I texted her. The reply I got was...My apartment is full of smoke...is that bad? I went on to learn that she had gone out with friends, got the idea to make chicken nuggets...and fell asleep as they cooked, then burned, then filled her place with smoke. I told her yeah, it's probably not too good, especially considering she was feeling light headed. So, with a bit of luck (or bad luck on her side), I picked her up and took her to my place so she could sleep on my couch. I gave her a blanket, and gave her the last first kiss I ever plan on giving. I still view that night as a pivotal one in my life...things with her could have very easily gone another way, and she might have gone the way of the rest of the girls and friends I've had and lost in my life. But I remember going to bed thinking to myself I could get used to having her here like this.
The last almost three years of getting to know Gena has been a life changing and exciting adventure. She is the first and only for me in many ways, and while I may have fought it for far longer than I should have, her constant presence in my life has given me direction and clarity for the first time. Because of her, I no longer wonder what the hell I'm going to do with my life, now I'm actively planning. The security that she has provided me is incomparable to any other solidarity any other person has ever given me, including my family. How and why she's managed to stick around as I've unveiled my long list of faults, demons, and doubts about myself and my life is a testament to her own strength and determination to see things through with me...for which I'll be forever greatful.
I miss her every moment of every day, and in many cases, thinking about her was the only thing that has gotten me through some of the insanely near-impossible trials I have faced down in this past year. I'm not sure that I could have done this alone, and don't want to know where I'd be had she not almost killed herself via chicken nuggets. I should really write Tyson a thank you note some day.
I'm calling you to say that I'm gonna be
Anywhere you want, tonight and forever
I'm coming home to take, take us both apart
Put us back like one, and bleed together
I'm calling you to say that I'm gonna stay
Wrapped 'round your heart for time and weather
I'll never live...I'll never die...without you
-The Damnwells, Tonight and Forever
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